Project Gratitude

December 28th, 2010

Traditionally January is one of our busiest months, here at Advanced Hypnotherapy.  As I review the past year I realize I have much to be grateful for.  The  work I do helping people to live a more enjoyable life is very rewarding and satisfying.

Long Islanders have voted our practice Best of Long Island 2 years in a row, and most of our clients are Long Islanders.  We have decided that the month of January starting in 2011 we will launch our own Project Gratitude. Quite simply, for every appointment that is booked, kept and paid for in the month of January we will donate $5 to Long Island Cares, Inc.  Also known as the Harry Chapin Food Bank an organization that has been helping Long Islanders by providing a broad array of programs and services including hunger education, job training, supplemental food programs for children, school supplies, job development, legislative advocacy, and a triage food pantry.

Help yourself and help others, that is how I trust you will start the New Year.

Visit and like our Facebook page for updates on Project Gratitude.

Creating Positive Changes In 2011

December 16th, 2010
When It Is Time For A Positive Change

Traditionally, we tend to find ourselves reflecting on our goals and accomplishments as we reflect on the end of one year, and look forward to the New Year. We also look at what areas we can improve upon.   We often resolve to change, make more of our future, and give up old habits.  We promise to construct some changes to make things better for ourselves. But, any time old patterns become uncomfortable can become the time we decide to create a positive change.  The focus may be on personal health issues such as weight control and stopping smoking, or other ways of making life better, like having the family together for dinner more than just a couple of nights a week, to not get so stressed out while driving, or to finally save some money just to be used for an emergency — a beginning to fiscal well-being.

These familiar resolutions are really transitions.  And, transitioning into a new lifestyle or behavior successfully requires some planning and self-reflection. When we choose to make such a transition, we need to give up our old definitions of the world, our old ways of doing things, and we find ourselves challenged by the process of “letting go”.  Endings are difficult for most people, even when we are unhappy with the way things used to be because we are more comfortable with what is familiar. The unknown can cause uneasy feelings.  Once we let go, however, we enter a period of feeling disconnected from the past but not yet connected to the present—this has been called the neutral zone.  This is when we can benefit from much self-reflection, and assess what we really want out of life.  It is also a time when we can reorient ourselves toward the future.

Dealing With Controlling People

December 4th, 2010

Difficulties frequently arise within relationships when one party becomes too controlling.  The person who is being controlled can feel lost and disengaged from their own decision making process.  And eventually, may not feel able to stand up for themselves and make decisions with out consulting the controller. In this type of extreme circumstance the controlling can be viewed as abusive behavior, and could even progress to violence.

Means of Control

Defining the other person: The person who controls comes up with ways to describe the other person which over time, become the reality of the relationship.  Example:  “Why is it always about you? You always have to be the center of attention.”

Diminishing: The controller diminishes the other person’s authentic self to create justification for stepping in and taking control.  Example:  “Why can’t you do anything right?  You are such a loser.”

Isolating: The controlling person loses their grip when the other person has social contacts that are a source of validation.  Example:  “I do not want you spending time with people from work. Your family doesn’t know what they are talking about; don’t talk to them about our business.”

Verbal abuse:  This type of controlling is abusive and includes name calling, blaming, withholding praise and encouragement, and offering judgment or criticism instead.  The verbal abuse may take the form of giving commands or making threats.

Individuals living with unaddressed verbal abuse may also be at risk for physical domestic violence, which is a crime.

Creating Some Positive Changes:

Many controlling people are surprised to learn that someone else thinks they are behaving in a controlling manner.  From the controller’s perspective they are just trying to get close to the other person by sharing their thoughts about how to do things, but they have little empathy for the person who is under their control.  When the controlled person resists the controller it leaves the person attempting to control feeling lost and abandoned.

This type of relationship can be filled with conflict and they often end with a bitter breakup.  With the help of a skilled therapist both the person who controls and the person who is controlled can gain a better understanding of why the controlling situation occurred.  And, explore the reasons for entering into this type of relationship while learning new ways of relating so that future relationships are healthy.

You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life?

November 4th, 2010

“Positive Psychology” is of of the the most popular courses at Harvard University, with the goal of teaching how to put positive emotion to work in your life.

Numerous scientific studies, support the notion that positive emotions have been linked with better health, longer life, and greater well being  On the other hand, chronic anger, worry, and hostility increase the risk of developing heart disease, as the human body naturally responds to these feelings with raised blood pressure and stiffening blood vessels. A Harvard School of Public Health study found that people who are generally hopeful were less likely to develop hypertension, diabetes, or respiratory tract infection than those who were less hopeful.

Tips for Creating Happiness:

First give yourself permission to be human. Accepting emotions such as fear, sadness, or anxiety as natural, Helps us to be more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, wether positive or negative, can lead to feelings of frustration and unhappiness.

Become involved in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not practical, make sure you have happiness boosters, such as moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

K.I.S.S. (Keep It Super Simple)  Simplify your life! We have become a culture that is too busy, by trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less available time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by doing too much.

Remember the mind-body connection. What we do (or don’t do) with our bodies influences our mind.

Get regular exercise.

Get enough sleep.

Eating healthfully.

Using healthy relaxation such as self-hypnosis or meditation lead to both physical and mental health.

Finally express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives and experiences for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.