Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Caring, Sharing, and Giving Are Good for Your Health

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

The unexamined life is not worth living.” –Socrates

The ongoing American healthcare debate and the Occupy Wall Street movement has brought to light, sometimes in a painful, ugly way, the lack of altruistic thinking of some people. More of us could become in touch with a lifestyle choice that could bring us a wealth of happiness, integrity and wellness. Altruism seems to have grown out of favor over the past several decades, though it has been a part of human interaction throughout history, cooperation and sharing has always been a hallmark of what binds a group or even a culture together. Two or more people giving their resources can produce more than two individuals acting alone in most situations.

However many people have adopted an attitude of self interest, believing they have worked hard for what they have, so why should they give to others or an organization? This shift in thinking seems to be linked with a weakening in our sense of community, and a break down of family. We have higher divorce rates, an increase in children being diagnosed with serious emotion issues, and more distance between socioeconomic classes. We have put an emphasis on self-interest and greed, rather than empathy, compassion and sharing, while some in our society grow wealthy others are sinking into poverty.

The remedy to this societal trend lies with each individual. When enough people become conscious of how self-interest is infused into their lives and they challenge it by cultivating a new way of living, it spreads throughout the culture. Recent studies of brain activity indicates that we have a natural trait toward altruism, in other words we are hardwired to be kind, caring and giving. Exploring this part of your self can bring you back into harmony with your natural state, and can improve your well-being.

Volunteer work has been shown to be beneficial in many studies, it can–
–Enhance the functioning of our immune system
–Lower cholesterol levels
–Reduce stress
–Improve cardiovascular functioning

Many people are caught in the trap of materialism. Working hard to make more money to buy more things, and the more things they want the more they need to work, which diminishes the time they have to use the stuff they have worked so hard to buy. Our lives become focused on self-interest and we loose touch with the richer life that comes from having a connection to the community and sharing what we have with others.

Many times people find that they are truly happier with a simpler life, and they find the quality of their everyday living can be much higher when they give themselves the gift of time. Think about the simple abundance that is in your community, literally in your own back yard, and share your gifts and talents with others. You can always feel good about helping others, and make a contribution to help others.

A professional helper can guide a person as they explore the reasons they have fallen into the consumerism trap, and help them develop the skills needed to feel okay with living a simpler lifestyle.

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How to Make Positive Changes in Your Life

Thursday, May 5th, 2011

By, Cynthia Lindner, MS

clinicalhypnotism.com (631) 473-0405

Why do people seek out a Professional Counselor or Hypnotherapist for help?  There are many reasons a person may seek help. Some people would like to understand themselves better, while other may have a particular issue or self-defeating behaviors they want to address. Perhaps change is needed because the behavior is harming their health, interfering with their relationships with loved ones, or making it difficult to hold down a job.

healthyThe list of self-defeating behaviors is endless.  People want to stop smoking, and abusing other substances. They want to stop eating “junk food”, become a healthy weight  and exercise more.  They want to have fewer arguments and have more productive discussions with family, friends and coworkers.  Many desire to get their anger, anxiety, procrastination and controlling behavior transformed to calm optimism, so they find someone to help them make a positive change.

Making life changes is easy for some people and a daunting task for others.  Sometimes people have some success, but after a while they relapse back into their old patterns.  Perhaps they weren’t ready to make the change in the first place.

Research has identified six major stages in the change process, as discussed in Changing For Good by Prochaska, Norcros and DiClemente.

First, is the Precontemplation Stage, this is when other people such as family and professionals can see there is a problem the person with the problem fails to see it and feels no need to make a change.  They may agree to work on an issue because of external influence, or they want to quiet the nagging, but they are prone to returning to the behavior once the pressure is off.

Moving into the Contemplation Stage the troubled person is tired of feeling stuck in life with the self-defeating behavior, and can admit there is a problem, though they may not yet be willing to change it, still preferring the familiar.  It is during this stage that people begin to define their own goals.

There is a Preparation Stage– There is an awareness of the problem issue, a person makes plans and gets ready to do the work of making a change happen.  There is typically an increase in motivation, and a person may make the commitment to change public, such telling friends that a new diet will start in a week and asking them to not tempt them with baked goods, for example.

The Action Stage is the stage that is most visible to others.  Since changes are truly being made, a therapist can shift the focus to learning new strategies to maintain the changes over time.

Which brings us to the Maintenance Stage.  It is a time to make the changes that have taken place and make them part of everyday life.  You may think of the term lifestyle change taking place of the word diet.

There is the Termination Stage when the lifestyle change has become the natural behavior and there is no longer a battle with one’s self over having a smoke, a drink or overeating.  It feels like temptations are no longer a concern, and the person can live their life with out fear that a relapse will occur.

A skillful therapist can be a helpful partner through all of these stages by examining why change may be difficult and finding solutions to those obstacles to change, and help the person stay the course by working through the difficulties.  I would also like to mention that a person may not just move through these stages sequentially. A person may advance to Preparation, and the find themselves back at the Contemplation Stage.

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Hypnosis can Help Trauma, and PTSD

Monday, March 21st, 2011

By, Cynthia Lindner, MS

Most of us conduct our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Catastrophic events such as what happened in Japan as a powerful Earthquake shook apart buildings, and created a massive tsunami, for many people, that belief was shaken. Aside from this there is gave concern over radiation leaks at damaged Japanese nuclear plants. This natural disaster has destroyed property, taken thousands of lives, altered the lives of millions, and for very many people across the world, undermined feelings of safety.

Events such as this are outside the realm of people’s ordinary experience. Catastrophic experiences are not limited to war and natural disasters ( hurricanes, tornados, flooding, tsunamis, earthquakes, etc.) but also include rape, physical or sexual abuse, fires, auto accidents, school shootings, plane crashes, hostage situations, and exposure to other violence such as car-jacking, mugging, and military combat. It is not only the victims of these events, but also witnesses, families of victims and helping professionals who can develop severe symptoms of stress, which can potentially become long-lasting.

The anxiety experienced during or immediately after a catastrophic event is identified as traumatic stress. When symptoms endure several months after the incident, it is classified as post-traumatic stress. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the term used by mental health professionals to characterize people who have endured highly stressful and frightening experiences and who are having severe distress caused by memories of that event.

Hypnotherapy In The Treatment Of PTSD

A clinician skilled in the therapeutic use of hypnotism can use hypnosis to facilitate the processing of the traumatic memories, and facilitate alternate perspectives and consequently different responses to the memories of trauma.  Hypnosis as a management tool can be used to develop skills in relaxation, and teaching individuals to use self-hypnosis as a self-help tool can have an empowering effect for the individual who used it to manage their symptoms, and enhance the process of healing.

PTSD is very treatable, especially when it is caught early. The idea behind the treatment is to process the traumatic event, as well as manage the symptoms. A qualified Therapist can help the person with PTSD to find the words to talk about the incident and to understand the feelings that accompany the experience, rather than to avoid things associated with the trauma. Though it might seem natural to want to avoid painful memories, it is important to acknowledge the memories, feel the emotions and work at processing them.

Cynthia Lindner, MS is a certified hypnotherapist with over 20 years of experience working in the mental health professions, currently with a successful private practice on Long Island, NY.  She has specific expertise in applying the complementary modalities of guided imagery, hypnosis, and biofeedback for the purpose of attaining wellness, self-improvement, and with Doctor’s referral, relief of pain and symptoms. Cynthia has taught workshops at international conferences, and has written several published articles on the subject of hypnosis.  She provides services to adults and children, individuals and couples. http://clinicalhypnotism.com

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Pets Help People To Be Well

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Can you name one medication that can lower blood pressure, boost our immune system, increase motivation, lessen the impact of depression, help with PTSD, decrease feelings of loneliness , elevate self-image, and help cultivate our ability to trust?   We can’t either, but these are just some of the benefits of healthy pet keeping.  Under most instances having a pet is a healthy and healing experience, pets can also help people to be more social.

Early contacts between our ancestors and canines benefited both species, and a dependent relationship evolved.  The animals first enjoyed food scraps and eventually accepted and enjoyed physical contact.  The humans benefited by having a warning when intruders were approaching.  Today it is estimated that 50 million households have pets.  Dogs and cats are most popular, but people also enjoy pet birds, fish, hamsters, rabbits, and more exotic pets like reptiles, hedgehogs and even tarantulas.

Pets can provide a significant source of emotional attachment that can be as important as the bonds formed between people, sometimes the bond with a pet can even be stronger than those with people, because bonds with many animals are perceived as unconditionally positive.  Pets can be our most personal and trustworthy companions because they are always there for us regardless of how we look or feel.  We can gain structure to the day by caring for our pets and we can demonstrate nurturance and love toward them, even when it seems like there is no one else available to receive or understand our love.

Of course, even with all the benefits of having a pet, it is not something to be entered into lightly.  Pets need to be cared for, and not only fed, they also require grooming and veterinary care.  Some people’s lifestyles are not suitable for some types of pets, so learning about how to keep a certain kind of pet healthy and happy is important to do before getting a pet.  A person who smokes tobacco may want to stop before bringing a pet home, and make that part of “pet proofing” the home.  Pets demand little from us, yet they are a source of immediate and consistent feedback, a benefit that is often hard to find in the social world.

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Rebounding from Difficult Life Experiences

Monday, February 14th, 2011

Living our lives means experiencing major disruptions at certain points in time. Actually, we expect to have these types of experiences because it is part of being human. The normal life cycle has periods of predictable life disruption such as moving from childhood to the adolescence years, and all those changes that take place, and opportunities for exploring the world and relationships are presented. Adulthood responsibilities, parenting, middle aged reflection on life, retirement, and aging are other expected stages of life that may cause disruption for some. And, some people seem to sail through these without much difficulty.

Other periods of disruption are caused by unexpected events that can alter life activities in a major way. Events such as sudden significant illness, car crashes, the death of a loved one, divorce, becoming the victim of a crime, becoming unemployed, and financial upheaval as well as other changes, challenge our ability to cope, Any of these situations, can become pivotal depending on our ability to be resilient.

We all have the capacity to reorganize our lives after a disruption and to achieve order and meaningfulness following a period of disruption if we know how to activate our ability to be resilient. In fact, we may need life challenges in order to mature and grow emotionally. So, many of these life disruptions, are not necessarily negative things, if we grow and develop skills to use for future challenges.

Cultivating resilience depends on a number of things in addition to achieving closure on previous life experienced. People who are resilient have many of the following characteristics or resources:

  • A support system
  • A sense of hope and trust in the world.
  • An ability to tolerate pain and distressing emotions
  • a good self-image and self-respect
  • A capacity for self-reflection and insight
  • Varied interests and a sense of humor

All of us can learn methods to become more resilient. However, sometimes a lack of closure on life experiences in our past can prevent the activation of our learning new coping skills. By working with a qualified helping professional a person can gain closure to unresolved conflicts, and move forward through life with a sense of mastery and resilience.

http://clinicalhypnotism.com

Help is just a phone call away 631.473.0405

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Dealing With Controlling People

Saturday, December 4th, 2010

Difficulties frequently arise within relationships when one party becomes too controlling.  The person who is being controlled can feel lost and disengaged from their own decision making process.  And eventually, may not feel able to stand up for themselves and make decisions with out consulting the controller. In this type of extreme circumstance the controlling can be viewed as abusive behavior, and could even progress to violence.

Means of Control

Defining the other person: The person who controls comes up with ways to describe the other person which over time, become the reality of the relationship.  Example:  “Why is it always about you? You always have to be the center of attention.”

Diminishing: The controller diminishes the other person’s authentic self to create justification for stepping in and taking control.  Example:  “Why can’t you do anything right?  You are such a loser.”

Isolating: The controlling person loses their grip when the other person has social contacts that are a source of validation.  Example:  “I do not want you spending time with people from work. Your family doesn’t know what they are talking about; don’t talk to them about our business.”

Verbal abuse:  This type of controlling is abusive and includes name calling, blaming, withholding praise and encouragement, and offering judgment or criticism instead.  The verbal abuse may take the form of giving commands or making threats.

Individuals living with unaddressed verbal abuse may also be at risk for physical domestic violence, which is a crime.

Creating Some Positive Changes:

Many controlling people are surprised to learn that someone else thinks they are behaving in a controlling manner.  From the controller’s perspective they are just trying to get close to the other person by sharing their thoughts about how to do things, but they have little empathy for the person who is under their control.  When the controlled person resists the controller it leaves the person attempting to control feeling lost and abandoned.

This type of relationship can be filled with conflict and they often end with a bitter breakup.  With the help of a skilled therapist both the person who controls and the person who is controlled can gain a better understanding of why the controlling situation occurred.  And, explore the reasons for entering into this type of relationship while learning new ways of relating so that future relationships are healthy.

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