Posts Tagged ‘life skills’

Pets Help People To Be Well

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Can you name one medication that can lower blood pressure, boost our immune system, increase motivation, lessen the impact of depression, help with PTSD, decrease feelings of loneliness , elevate self-image, and help cultivate our ability to trust?   We can’t either, but these are just some of the benefits of healthy pet keeping.  Under most instances having a pet is a healthy and healing experience, pets can also help people to be more social.

Early contacts between our ancestors and canines benefited both species, and a dependent relationship evolved.  The animals first enjoyed food scraps and eventually accepted and enjoyed physical contact.  The humans benefited by having a warning when intruders were approaching.  Today it is estimated that 50 million households have pets.  Dogs and cats are most popular, but people also enjoy pet birds, fish, hamsters, rabbits, and more exotic pets like reptiles, hedgehogs and even tarantulas.

Pets can provide a significant source of emotional attachment that can be as important as the bonds formed between people, sometimes the bond with a pet can even be stronger than those with people, because bonds with many animals are perceived as unconditionally positive.  Pets can be our most personal and trustworthy companions because they are always there for us regardless of how we look or feel.  We can gain structure to the day by caring for our pets and we can demonstrate nurturance and love toward them, even when it seems like there is no one else available to receive or understand our love.

Of course, even with all the benefits of having a pet, it is not something to be entered into lightly.  Pets need to be cared for, and not only fed, they also require grooming and veterinary care.  Some people’s lifestyles are not suitable for some types of pets, so learning about how to keep a certain kind of pet healthy and happy is important to do before getting a pet.  A person who smokes tobacco may want to stop before bringing a pet home, and make that part of “pet proofing” the home.  Pets demand little from us, yet they are a source of immediate and consistent feedback, a benefit that is often hard to find in the social world.

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Posted in Relationships | 50 Comments »

How to Deal with Emotional Pain

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

When someone experiences a major life disruption, such as, the death of a loved one, a  relationship break up, serious illness or auto crash,  becomes a victim of crime or survives a natural disaster, it may not always be best to take medication immediately.  When emotional pain is alleviated with medication (or through alcohol or street drugs) the person’s motivation to make changes is lowered, and what can be learned by going through the process of managing emotional pain can be missed.

Of course, there are times when medication is useful and necessary, especially if a person is having suicidal thoughts that may accompany clinical depression.  This is a medical decision between the person and their doctor. This article is intended to give general information, and not to recommend treatment, which are decisions made by persons together with their healthcare provider.

When we experience a life disruption or crisis we need time to gain insight into what has gone wrong and work toward integration.  Emotional pain, while unpleasant serves a purpose, just as acute physical pain does in alerting us that something has gone wrong in our body.  Pain signals us to take action.  The purpose of emotional pain is to move us to learn new ways of coping.

There are some strategies that people in a state of crisis use to successfully deal with emotional pain.  These methods do not end the pain, which has value, but they offer us some relief from the emotional pains.

Sometimes we need to remove ourselves, so we can create a diversion, by planning a short trip, reading a book, talking with a friend, or getting some exercise.  Diversion allows us time away from the problem so that when we actively attend to it again, we may look at it in a “different light” or with “fresh eyes”.

Another strategy for coping with emotional pain is to take charge of those aspects of your life that you still have some ability to control.  Often a major life disruption can leave us feeling like life is spiraling away – totally out of control.  However, we can do some of our routines and self-care, and let the things that are uncontrollable run their course.

Finally, we can find someone who can show us empathy.  Reliving emotional pain by talking with a trusted friend or therapist is an effective strategy.  It is helpful when someone can say with caring and conviction that they understand and care about your pain.

Help is just a phone call away… 631.473.0405

http://clinicalhypnotism.com

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Posted in Handling crisis | 13 Comments »

Creating Positive Changes In 2011

Thursday, December 16th, 2010
When It Is Time For A Positive Change

Traditionally, we tend to find ourselves reflecting on our goals and accomplishments as we reflect on the end of one year, and look forward to the New Year. We also look at what areas we can improve upon.   We often resolve to change, make more of our future, and give up old habits.  We promise to construct some changes to make things better for ourselves. But, any time old patterns become uncomfortable can become the time we decide to create a positive change.  The focus may be on personal health issues such as weight control and stopping smoking, or other ways of making life better, like having the family together for dinner more than just a couple of nights a week, to not get so stressed out while driving, or to finally save some money just to be used for an emergency — a beginning to fiscal well-being.

These familiar resolutions are really transitions.  And, transitioning into a new lifestyle or behavior successfully requires some planning and self-reflection. When we choose to make such a transition, we need to give up our old definitions of the world, our old ways of doing things, and we find ourselves challenged by the process of “letting go”.  Endings are difficult for most people, even when we are unhappy with the way things used to be because we are more comfortable with what is familiar. The unknown can cause uneasy feelings.  Once we let go, however, we enter a period of feeling disconnected from the past but not yet connected to the present—this has been called the neutral zone.  This is when we can benefit from much self-reflection, and assess what we really want out of life.  It is also a time when we can reorient ourselves toward the future.

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Posted in self-improvment | 10 Comments »

Dealing With Controlling People

Saturday, December 4th, 2010

Difficulties frequently arise within relationships when one party becomes too controlling.  The person who is being controlled can feel lost and disengaged from their own decision making process.  And eventually, may not feel able to stand up for themselves and make decisions with out consulting the controller. In this type of extreme circumstance the controlling can be viewed as abusive behavior, and could even progress to violence.

Means of Control

Defining the other person: The person who controls comes up with ways to describe the other person which over time, become the reality of the relationship.  Example:  “Why is it always about you? You always have to be the center of attention.”

Diminishing: The controller diminishes the other person’s authentic self to create justification for stepping in and taking control.  Example:  “Why can’t you do anything right?  You are such a loser.”

Isolating: The controlling person loses their grip when the other person has social contacts that are a source of validation.  Example:  “I do not want you spending time with people from work. Your family doesn’t know what they are talking about; don’t talk to them about our business.”

Verbal abuse:  This type of controlling is abusive and includes name calling, blaming, withholding praise and encouragement, and offering judgment or criticism instead.  The verbal abuse may take the form of giving commands or making threats.

Individuals living with unaddressed verbal abuse may also be at risk for physical domestic violence, which is a crime.

Creating Some Positive Changes:

Many controlling people are surprised to learn that someone else thinks they are behaving in a controlling manner.  From the controller’s perspective they are just trying to get close to the other person by sharing their thoughts about how to do things, but they have little empathy for the person who is under their control.  When the controlled person resists the controller it leaves the person attempting to control feeling lost and abandoned.

This type of relationship can be filled with conflict and they often end with a bitter breakup.  With the help of a skilled therapist both the person who controls and the person who is controlled can gain a better understanding of why the controlling situation occurred.  And, explore the reasons for entering into this type of relationship while learning new ways of relating so that future relationships are healthy.

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Posted in Relationships | 2 Comments »

You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life?

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

“Positive Psychology” is of of the the most popular courses at Harvard University, with the goal of teaching how to put positive emotion to work in your life.

Numerous scientific studies, support the notion that positive emotions have been linked with better health, longer life, and greater well being  On the other hand, chronic anger, worry, and hostility increase the risk of developing heart disease, as the human body naturally responds to these feelings with raised blood pressure and stiffening blood vessels. A Harvard School of Public Health study found that people who are generally hopeful were less likely to develop hypertension, diabetes, or respiratory tract infection than those who were less hopeful.

Tips for Creating Happiness:

First give yourself permission to be human. Accepting emotions such as fear, sadness, or anxiety as natural, Helps us to be more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, wether positive or negative, can lead to feelings of frustration and unhappiness.

Become involved in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not practical, make sure you have happiness boosters, such as moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

K.I.S.S. (Keep It Super Simple)  Simplify your life! We have become a culture that is too busy, by trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less available time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by doing too much.

Remember the mind-body connection. What we do (or don’t do) with our bodies influences our mind.

Get regular exercise.

Get enough sleep.

Eating healthfully.

Using healthy relaxation such as self-hypnosis or meditation lead to both physical and mental health.

Finally express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives and experiences for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

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Posted in self-improvment | 6 Comments »