by Cynthia Lindner, MS
The Private Sorrow of Goodbye
In a past entry I wrote about the benefits of having pets… health benefits and emotional benefits. This entry is about coping with and understanding the grief when a pet is lost or dies. Not everyone understands the enormity of the grief experienced by a pet keeper when their companion dies or is otherwise lost. A person grieving the loss often finds themselves lacking social support. The degree of attachment felt between a person and the pet who dies is a good indicator of how strong the grief reaction will be.
People experience the loss of a pet in a way that is similar to the stages of grief when we loose a close family member, and as with other types of grieving it is a process. The process usually begins with a feeling of numbness and disbelief. There can be times of deep sadness, depression and guilt. It is also possible that a person may feel anger directed at self or others about the loss. Perhaps at the veterinarian that didn’t do enough to save the pet, or toward other people for not understanding how deeply hurt one can feel. The decision to euthanize a pet is typically difficult because of strong feeling of guilt especially if the decision had to be based on finances. Even when money is not the issue there may be feelings of guilt for not doing enough to prevent the injury or illness that caused the decision to euthanize the pet.
Strong Bonds Equate to Strong Feelings of Grief
Grieving pet keepers often find themselves preoccupied with with memories and thoughts of the pet and a decreased ability to concentrate and focus on daily activities.
There can be individual differences in how we react to the loss of a pet. People who live alone or lack strong ties to others may find it more difficult to adjust to a pet’s death. People who feel that others understand their loss seem to process their grief more quickly.
When people die we have a set of societal or religious rituals to preform which inevitable helps us to move through the grieving process. Unfortunately, we have no rituals for morning the loss of a pet, in fact, it is somewhat discouraged. The reality is that a pet may be our closest companion or a surrogate child in the situation of a childless couple or “empty nesters”, and a source of unconditional love. Caring for an animal may be an important part of our daily routine, so when our pet dies the impact on our lives can be greater than when a person dies.
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